Gender-Based Violence (GBV) in South Africa is often framed as a women’s issue. While women face alarming levels of abuse, this narrative leaves another truth in the shadows: men suffer too, and their silence is killing them. The problem is not that their suffering does not exist; it is that society has trained itself not to see it.
From a young age, boys are told that “real men don’t cry” or that strength means silence. They grow up believing that abuse is something men do, not something that can also be done to them. As a result, thousands of men across the country suffer quietly behind closed doors, trapped in homes where they are mocked, beaten, emotionally broken, or falsely accused, with no one to defend them.
But what about the husbands who are physically attacked by their wives? What
about the fathers who are emotionally humiliated in their own homes? What
about the boys who are taught that showing pain makes them less of a man?
The Hidden Pain of Men
These stories rarely make headlines. And when men do speak out, society often laughs, mocks, or questions their masculinity. This silence is not harmless, it destroys lives.
I have witnessed this reality within my own family. My brother, gentle, hardworking, and soft-spoken, was judged harshly when he tried to defend himself from an attack by a woman. Without hearing his side of the story, we assumed he was the aggressor. Only when he revealed the physical scars on his body, we recognized the truth: he was the one being abused. The weight of that moment shattered me. I saw with my own eyes how easily we dismiss men’s pain and how quickly society rushes to label them, even when they are the ones bleeding.
And this is not an isolated situation. My brother has been trapped in an abusive relationship for almost six months. This woman beats him, insults him, and publicly degrades him by saying he “has nothing but a bed and a car.” Yet this same man has been providing for her four children, who are not even his. He has been carrying a family that continues to emotionally and physically tear him down, while she plays the victim to the outside world. This reality underscores the urgent need for inclusive support systems.
Research Confirms the Crisis
Research supports this hidden reality. A study by Tsoaledi Daniel Thobejane and Victor Luthada titled “An Investigation into the Trend of Domestic Violence on Men: The Case of South Africa” (University of Venda; published in the OIDA International Journal of Sustainable Development) reveals that male victims of domestic violence are “hard to reach” because of stigma and societal expectations.
- The study highlights that:
- Men are discouraged from showing pain due to masculinity norms.
- Many fears being laughed at by society, friends, and even police
- officers.
- Women who abuse often position themselves as victims, making it
- difficult for men to be believed.
- Domestic violence against men is not new but deeply underreported.
- Law enforcement structures and institutions are still not equipped to
- Support male victims fairly.
Statistical Support
- The crisis runs deeper than personal stories. South African data shows:
- 1 in 5 South African men has experienced domestic or intimate partner
- violence in their lifetime (Human Sciences Research Council, 2021).
- In 2022, the South African Police Service (SAPS) recorded over 26,000
- male victims of assault, with many incidents linked to domestic settings.
- The University of Venda study reported that 31% of men surveyed had
- experienced emotional, physical, or economic abuse from a partner.
- Research in the OIDA International Journal of Sustainable Development
- shows that 60% of male victims do not report abuse, mainly due to
- shame, fear of disbelief, and the stigma of appearing “weak.”
These statistics reveal a painful truth: male victims are not rare, they are simply unheard. The study argues that focusing solely on violence against women has left a gap where men’s suffering is unseen and unacknowledged, despite growing evidence of abuse against them. It calls for an unbiased approach that recognizes domestic violence as a human issue, not a gendered one.
What Needs to Change
Today, men sit in jail because of false accusations. Boys take their own lives after being blamed for things they never did. And when the truth finally surfaces, society moves on as though nothing happened.
Government, NGOs, and communities must expand GBV programs to include men, ensuring that every victim, regardless of gender, has access to justice and support.
We must do better. We must teach our children, boys and girls, that abuse has no gender. We must create safe spaces where men can express pain without being shamed.
Supporting men does not threaten women’s empowerment; it strengthens it. justice, fairness, and humanity. Because every victim deserves to be heard. Every story deserves to be believed. Every life deserves protection, not just some. It is time to let men speak. It is time to listen without judgment. Their silence is killing them, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer.
42 responses to “Rethinking Gender-Based Violence in South Africa By Basetsana Hlungwani”
This truth cuts deep 💔. For too long, our brothers have been bleeding in silence, carrying scars that the world refuses to see. Society says “be strong,” but strength is not silence, it is speaking, it is healing. Abuse has no gender, and justice has no favorites. Supporting men does not weaken women; it strengthens humanity.
Basetsana, thank you for breaking the silence. May this be the start of a new chapter where every victim, sister or brother, is heard, believed, and protected. Because pain ignored becomes pain repeated, and silence is killing us all.
Thank you for highlighting this, it is an important and often overlooked part of the GB conversation. Harmful ideas about masculinity, like the belief that men must be silent or strong at all costs, do real damage and prevent many men from seeking help when they experience abuse. Creating space for these stories matters, because violence is never acceptable, no matter who experiences it. At the same time it’s also important that this broad conversation continues to sit alongside the reality that women and girls remain the most affected by GPV, particularly in its most severe forms. This article definitely strengthens the argument that both of these truths exist and need to be examined.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment, Camagwini. I completely agree, challenging harmful ideas about masculinity is crucial, and giving men a safe space to share their experiences is part of addressing gender-based violence as a whole. At the same time, acknowledging the disproportionate impact on women and girls is equally important. I’m glad the article helped highlight both sides of this complex issue.
Thank you so much for this Thamsanqa,🙏🏽 I really appreciate you taking the time to read and engage. This story is real, and sharing it wasn’t easy, but it’s necessary. Silence only protects the violence. My hope is exactly that—that it reaches those in power and the organisations meant to protect people. Conversations like this matter, and your support truly means a lot.
Thank you very much, Patrick. I truly appreciate your thoughtful feedback. I’m glad the article came across as balanced and that the proposed remedies were clear and meaningful. Conversations like these are important in shaping understanding and encouraging responsible action. Your encouragement means a lot, thank you for taking the time to read the article.
Such a beautiful and deeply touching piece! The way you included your brother’s story brought so much depth and honesty to the message. Your perspective on rethinking gender-based violence through the lens of men is powerful and truly needed. I’m so proud of you for writing this and using your voice to spark meaningful reflection and conversation. Well done!
Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words Dimakatso! I really appreciate your support and am glad that sharing my brother’s story added meaning and honesty to the piece. It means a lot to know the message resonated and is sparking reflection, your encouragement truly motivates me to keep using my voice.
Basetsana Hlungwani is a South African graduate in social sciences currently pursuing her BA honors in psychology, with a background in communications, community work, and early childhood development. She is deeply observant of social, cultural, and faith-related issues and enjoys reflecting on how global and local realities shape everyday life. Though this is her first published article, she is driven by a genuine desire to share thoughtful perspectives, raise awareness, and contribute meaningfully to conversations about the world around us.
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